The Trip To Disneyland
by erudite quill
Summary: What happens when Lucius enters a magazine contest whilst in Azkaban? What happens when Sirius has done the same thing? What happens when they are both in Disneyland at the same time? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Magnificent Plot

It was a day, just an ordinary day at Malfoy Manor.

Alright so maybe not _that_ ordinary. It was the day of the absolutely wonderful Christmas party which the Malfoy's held every year. One of those 'Invitation Only' deals, where all of the fine Wizarding society scrambled to get the sought after silver and green invitations, which seemingly were only given to the finest of the pureblood wizards. Most of whom, alright _all_ of whom, were Death Eaters.

Unfortunately, the only people who were actually inside the manor were those who seemed to be there every year (if not because of being related, but because they were the very epitome of evil, and evil's right hand man.). Right now, the seven were sitting in the ornately decorated living room playing a rousing game of exploding snap, drumming fingernails against the coffee table, and humming into glasses of expensive wine. Finally, after a few more minutes of silent musings and the occasional explosion of a playing card with old wizards faces painted on them, the small blonde woman who had been staring off into space in the general direction of an ostentatious Christmas Tree turned to her husband (who was sitting cross-legged on their pearly white carpeting), and spoke up.

"Where exactly _is_ everyone Lucius?" The voice was a teeny bit irritated, and the edge of the tone gave it away. The woman's black gaze traveled over to the man and zeroed in, watching his newly panicked expression (which had changed dramatically from the one before, an expression of…Well, not really of anything, but his wife couldn't bring herself to blame him for his airiness after that little stint in Azkaban.) with a trace of aggravation. "You _did_ give them out didn't you?" Judging by the look on his face, she wasn't going to receive the answer she was hoping for.

She didn't.

"Well…Darling I really thought I had…" Lucius raised a manicured finger to his chin and furrowed his brows in recollection. "I went to Honeydukes…The bank, oh! And Zonkos (at this, a smile erupted of positive glee), for-for Draco of course." He backtracked hastily, noting the sneer of a greasier male sitting in an elaborate, green velvet armchair. "Come to think of it, perhaps I forgot." He sighed and his shoulders slumped as he sprawled out on the carpeting.

"Dear me Narcissa, it certainly seems your _wonderful_ husband's memory is, well, failing." The silky drawl of Severus Snape commented as Lucius began to twiddle his thumbs while staring at the ceiling.

"If you ask me, it's always been like that." Retorted the other woman in the room, black haired, heavy lidded Bellatrix LeStrange. The blonde man on the floor didn't seem to even blink an eye at the insults hurled his way; he merely smiled contentedly up at the angel atop the tall tree, tapping the floor in tune to some song with his silver tipped cane.

At this, there came a horrible screeching noise, like nails on a chalkboard, causing everyone to clamp hands over their ears. It was, in fact, coming from a swiveling chair on the opposite side of the room near the window, where a table had been set up with the exploding snap cards. Inside said chair, was one of the most ugly, horrific looking things any of them had ever seen.

Oh wait, it was just Voldemort.

"Lucius is a great man, a great friend, a great teacher, good guitarist." Voldemort shook his head, hands going to the puce, chalky skin and a silly grin spread on his face, "Sorry, wrong person. I meant to say that Lucius _was_ a loyal friend, until mucked up the job at the Ministry of Magic, don't think Azkaban was the best thing for him though….I mean, he's a bit _addled in the brains_ if you get my meaning." Taking a skeletal finger, he began to draw loops in the air beside his hairless temple in illustration. "Loony…Loopy…"

Severus thought this rather rich, coming from a demented evil lord, but whatever, Voldemort was paying him considerably for the time he wasn't at Hogwarts. Since he _had_ had him kill Dumbledore, now they weren't really too keen on keeping him on as a professor. And so, as Voldemort spoke and Severus scowled, it was then that the entire deck of cards erupted in flames upon the little table, causing the rat-like man with a silver hand who _had_ been sitting opposite the Dark Lord to fall to the floor, dismay etched across his face.

"My Lord…You missed your turn."

Now, Narcissa and Bellatrix had been deep in conversation, giving off uncharacteristic giggles every now and then. They had been completely oblivious to the discourse and exploding of the cards, but now they popped up out of their huddle like two little prairie dogs and looked pointedly at their husbands; Lucius who was on the floor singing a ditty about daisies, and Rodolphus, who, before hand wasn't mentioned but had been sitting quite silently on the piano bench, musing upon the best way to kill a Hungarian Horntail without leaving marks.

Bellatrix spoke first, pointing her finger towards the man on the piano bench and narrowing her eyes. "You. Take the Dark Lord into the kitchen, we've got something to discuss out here." The man nodded obligingly and continued to stare through knitted eyebrows, concentrating on the subject previously mentioned, as he stood up and ushered Voldemort into the kitchen (which was subsequently followed by the shrieks of horror from the house elves, and some apologizing on Voldemort's part, but 'it wasn't _his _fault he was _so_ ugly!').

"Now," Narcissa began, gesticulating grandly for effect. "We've decided upon the Dark Lord's Christmas gift, since I know that _you_ all didn't feel the need to purchase anything for him." Bellatrix nodded her agreement after she looked at the others in the room. Snape was scowling at their being correct (and would have deducted twenty points from Slytherin had he been at Hogwarts), Peter Pettigrew was sniveling and rubbing his hands together, apologizing profusely, "But-But what do you get the man who has _everything_?", and Lucius seemed to be blissfully unaware that anything was happening. That is, until his wife kicked him in the shoulder discreetly and he sat up, the childish smile having disappeared, and he was now all business.

"Yes. That's where I come in." Lucius stated, his Ministry of Magic professional tone kicking in. "While I was in Azkaban there really wasn't that much to do. However, if we were well behaved enough, the dementors would allow us to read their magazines. My personal favorite being, Better Homes and Gardens." Snape's jaw dropped (which was unusual), and he had to disguise his laughter as a fit of hacking coughs. "As I was saying," The Malfoy man continued, "Every so often, they would run some contest or another. So, since you can only brush your hair _so_ many times in one day, I entered quite a few of them." He positively beamed now, "And…After winning four plaid tea cozies, a new hair ribbon (he pointed to the emerald one now placed in his blonde coiffure), and three dozen chocolates…Which let me tell you, helped _a lot_ with the whole…(he noted the blazing look that Narcissa was giving him and loosened his tie slightly to get some air) Anyway, as I was saying, I won a few of these contests, and one of them had an interesting prize which we figured we could use.."

He was interrupted at this point by Narcissa, who couldn't take this lengthy retelling of the story, and judging by the strained noises in the kitchen, Voldemort was getting rather bored.

"Anyway, he won this competition and the prize was a trip for ten to that muggle theme park, Disneyland. And we thought, 'well, there are so many people there, this would give _ample_ opportunity to torment children' and what better Christmas gift for Voldemort can _you_ think of?"

"Err…Socks?" Peter suggested, and received a thwack to the back of the head from a tasseled pillow from Snape.

"You said trip for _ten_, Narcissa, now who may I ask does that consist of?" Snape asked, his voice dripping with disdain at the very _thought_ of this 'Disneyland.'

"Why us of course!" Bellatrix retorted, "You, me, Cissa, Roddy, Peter, Voldie, Lucius, Umm…And three others." She and Narcissa beamed as they looked out at the three men.

"You can count me out." Severus stated abruptly, moving to stand.

"Not a chance." Narcissa demanded, eyes blazing yet again, and Snape, strong as he was, decided it was better just to sit down. Cissa didn't really have the best mental stability.

Peter looked up and sighed slightly, pressing a finger to his head in thought which was a rare thing for the man. "Well, we could have…Rabastan of course, and um…Fenrir! That's nine..."

"Oh we're so glad you can count Peter." Severus snapped as he leaned back in the chair, conjuring a cucumber eye mask and a headache potion. This was going to be the longest Christmas vacation he had ever experienced.

"Ten! I've got ten." Lucius stood up, pounding his fist on the table as if he was trying to hit an imaginary game show buzzer. "Draco! He'd love to come!" The man grinned from ear to ear, and his wife gave him an approving nod.

"Well, now that that's settled, RODOLPHUS!" Bellatrix screeched as she stood up, her hands gripping the arm of the couch until her knuckles were white. For what reason she didn't know.

The bearded man led the Dark Lord out of the kitchen and sat him down on the swiveling chair of evil (aptly named after they watched a few muggle spy films.), resisting the urge to poke his hairless, chalky head as all the Death Eaters had wanted to do for the longest time.

"My Lord." Bellatrix said as she knelt before him, proffering the handmade, red envelope and sinking to one knee. Snape oddly thought this look a bit like muggle marriage proposals, but bit back the biting remark just _itching_ to hop off his tongue.

"Merry Christmas!" Seven voices cried in unison as the Dark Lord began to unseal the envelope, and Voldemort blushed as he realized he had been wishing himself one, and that just wasn't proper manners.

Using one extra-long fingernail to cut through the seal of the horribly decorated Christmas card, the evil epitome glowered to himself at just how cheap his Death Eater followers were. Really, only buying him a Christmas card? How rude! After all he _did_ for them! He was their master! Their ruler for Merlin's sake! It was then, as he slid the card open, that he heard the tinkling of bells, and then music. The card was singing, and not just any song, but 'A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes'. Snape scowled, Narcissa and Bellatrix looped arms and beamed, Lucius preened, Peter sniffed at the envelope, Rodolphus squashed a fly mercilessly, and the Dark Lord had to fight back tears of joy.

Meanwhile, on the other side of London, an Order meeting was going on. Order of the Phoenix to be exact. It was there that a great ruckus was going on, and it was hard for Kingsley Shacklebolt to regain order from them.

"I won! I won!" The cry pierced through the thick silence like a butter knife and Kingsley had to fight the urge to clobber whoever it was that had disturbed their new ritual of meditation before business began. However, this violence wouldn't really have worked, considering the fact that it was the ghost of the late Sirius Black who was doing the yelling.

"Won what…Exactly?" The tall African wizard asked calmly, crossing his arms and leaning against the mantelpiece upon the yoga mat he was situated. Well now everyone's concentration had been terribly broken, and they were all quite curious as to what Sirius had won.

"It says here…" The late Marauder began as he held onto the letter (how no one was quite sure.) and squinted down at the words. His eyesight had only worsened ever since he died, and it was harder to trim his hair now that it was spectral and all. "A trip for ten to Disneyland." He looked up at the other members and smiled toothily. "Well that sounds fun doesn't it?"

His cousin snatched it from him and began peering at it as well, her violet eyes scanning the page for any catch or hidden details, finding none, Nymphadora Tonks looked up at Sirius with a strange look upon her face.

"You entered a contest in Better Homes and Gardens?" She stated, crossing her arms and tossing the letter over to an eager Remus Lupin, who began to laugh heartily as he examined the offending piece of paper.

"Well! When you're dead there's not that much you can do!" Sirius huffed as he floated up to the ceiling, perching beside the ghost of Dumbledore on the top of a grandfather clock.

"But Better Homes and Gardens…Padfoot, that's just sad..." Remus replied with a little sigh.

"Well, that's the only thing the dementors subscribe to in Azkaban." His friend retorted, sticking out his ghostly tongue and crossing his arms, as if that would solve everything.

An hour and a half later it was decided that accompanying Sirius to the 'land of muggle happiness' would be Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Mad-Eye Moody, Arthur Weasley, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and, much to the two younger companion's disappointment, Minerva McGonagall. Hermione had already been once, and she said that once was _indeed_ enough. Not to mention the fact that she was planning a trip to Bulgaria to meet with Viktor. (To which, Harry had exclaimed, "Flooperpoo!" an expression he had taken to using quite a bit lately).

The only question now, was just how they were going to get Dumbledore and Sirius through customs…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: United Airlines

"And we couldn't just apparate _why_?" The hushed voice of Severus Snape was carrying far more than he intended as he muttered these words to himself.

"Because_ Severus_, there will be a group waiting for us. It was all in the fine print, didn't you read it?" Bellatrix asked scathingly, looking back at him over her shoulder. They definitely must have looked a sight as they walked through security, raising their arms above their heads, placing jewelry into the little tubs, taking off their shoes. Lucius was having a fit as they tried to make him put his cane through the computer thing ("Don't you know who _I am_?"). The two women were the most normal looking 'muggles' of the ten in their group (which, for the competition, they had all decided upon being related. The Nutters. Never again were they going to let Voldemort come up with any aliases.). Cissa and Bella were wearing matching muggle sundresses, one was black with yellow polka dots, and the other was yellow with black polka dots. Peter thought they looked like bumble bees, but didn't dare to voice his opinion.

The men however, obviously had never paid much attention to how muggles dressed, because had the women been actually socializing with them, they would have been utterly humiliated.

Lucius had put his hair back with a baby pink ribbon, matching the polo shirt he had put _over_ a green sweater. Hermione would have fainted, because Mr. Malfoy was also wearing slate grey slacks with little hippos dancing upon them. Rabastan and Rodolphus matched, both wearing powder blue tuxedos, Peter was wearing a dapper looking suit, which would have looked normal if he had been living in _Colonial America_. Severus had absolutely refused to wear the muggle clothing, so he was following the group in his black robes, glaring at everyone who _dared_ walk beside him, thus causing a wide berth, and quite a few dirty looks. Draco looked somewhat normal in his school uniform, minus the robes. The two who looked the absolute strangest would have to have been Fenrir and Voldemort. Fenrir just looked odd all the time, like a wolf, which he was so that would seem normal to those who knew him or of him. Voldemort on the other hand had tried to disguise himself, and wasn't doing a very good job of it. He was wearing a women's floor length duster, in a shade of pale green (which actually offset his skin nicely), a suit underneath it, sunglasses to cover his red eyes, a blonde wig that hung choppily around his gaunt face and a black mustache. If that wasn't bad enough, he had charmed makeup on, trying to make his skin seem a little more realistic. Poor Voldie, for there were many teenagers sniggering behind his back as he positively _strutted _down the corridor to the plane.

After stowing their carryon luggage, the group of 'Nutters' sat down in their corresponding seats. Cissa and Bella quarreled over who got the window seat, finally having to stoop to a game of rock-paper-scissors since wands were out of the question. Bella won, but only after muttering a hex to make Narcissa's hand immobile, therefore winning with her scissors. Victoriously, the elder sister collapsed into her window seat, and sat with her nose pressed to the glass until take off.

Lucius and Rodolphus made a point of sitting behind the two women, chortling at the idea of poking them throughout the flight. Severus pulled Draco into the seat beside him, not relishing the idea of sitting beside any of the others. The young man sighed and picked up the _Air Mall_ and started to flip through it, searching for a writing utensil at the bottom of the pocket in the seat ahead of him so he could partake in the crossword puzzle.

Rabastan and Peter begrudgingly sat beside each other, each facing the opposite direction as the former took out the book he had purchased at the little bookstore inside the airport. It was entitled 'Brideshead Revisited', and sounded interesting enough. Peter, on the other hand, was quite content stroking his silver encased hand, muttering things to himself like an insane man as he jealously looked over at a group of muggles who were chatting jovially amongst each other.

Fenrir and Voldemort sat beside each other, looking through the flight information. The Dark Lord nearly 'squeed' with glee when he looked at the movie list. Since this flight was filled mostly with Disneyland goers, the entire movie lineup was animated Disney films. Most of which, were the Disney princess type. Voldie had to cough to keep from sighing happily at the thought. He knew all the words to every song by heart. There really wasn't that much you could do when you were weak, in hiding, and waiting for your followers to realize you were alive.

The pilot's voice came over the intercom, and the group of Wizarding folk looked around in awe (apart from Snape, who just sat there scowling under his beaklike nose). The flight attendants gave their schpiel, pointing out the emergency exits, showing them how to work their oxygen masks, where to find the floatation devices and such. Then the plane began to move, slowly at first, but then it picked up speed and soon was off into the air.

Most of the passengers found this normal, not the 'Nutters'. Bellatrix was plastered against the wall practically hyperventilating, Narcissa was huddled in her seat, Lucius had fallen across Rodolphus who in turn was looking both weirded out by the fact that he had a Lucius in his lap, and that they were flying and not on brooms. Rabastan and Peter had both fallen asleep already, their heads on each other's shoulders, which was something each of them would have been rather disgusted with if they had known. Fenrir and Voldemort were too busy regaling each other with favorite Disney movie moments to even notice, and Snape was seething as Draco asked him "What's a five letter word for stupid person?"

A few hours later, all the lights had gone off, the only bright points were coming from the various movie screens situated about the cabin. Most everyone had fallen asleep, having seen the movies numerous times. Even the 'Nutters' had gone into slumber, finding the animation a bit boring. Not so for the Dark Lord. He was sitting bright eyed and bushy tailed, watching with rapt attention as Prince Charming was about to put the glass slipper upon Cinderella's foot. His eyes welled with tears, and he began to hum along to the music in the background, trying not to hiccup and throw him off key, heaven forbid. He took out a Kleenex box with a skeletal hand and began to dab at his sunglass-covered eyes, causing a bit of makeup to come off in the process, but it was just so _sad_. Fenrir gave a growling snore beside him, and jumped slightly, nearly falling off of the seat, since he wasn't following the 'always wear your seatbelt' rule. Fenrir woke up just in time to see Wormtail scurrying in his rat-like way to the lavatory, doing a potty dance as he waited in the long line for the loo.

Approximately half an hour after their flight, an exhausted looking group of ten collapsed in front of Gate C9; carry on items strewn haphazardly across the floor, as well as a glass eye and a little hat.

"Nymphadora, will you retrieve my eye please?"

"Blech! I _will_ not!"

"'Dora…."

"Don't you 'Dora' me Remus Lupin; you don't want to touch that horrible thing any more than I do!" Screeched the pink haired witch as she sidestepped the electric blue orb that was spinning around the carpeting.

"Now it's going to be covered in fuzz." Grumbled a very put-out Alastor Moody. With a little trudge, he bent forward and picked it up, blowing on it slightly and peering at it with his good eye. Nymphadora cringed and made a face, which caused Ron to stifle a snort (it was only stifled because his father was standing right beside him. Which really was no matter, as Arthur was quite content just looking at the planes, his face squashed to the glass, occasionally calling out, "Look at that aryolane!" completely butchering the name of the muggle device of transportation). Harry sighed and slumped down in a chair, clutching his carry on bag.

"My scar hurts…" He stated quietly, and Sirius' ghost sidled over and put his spectral hand upon his godson's forehead. The ghostly appendage went right through Harry's head, but Padfoot paid no notice.

"Well, you don't have a fever."

"I know I don't have a fever Sirius, it usually means Voldemort is nearby…Or is thinking of something particularly evil." (What he didn't know, was that at that time, Voldemort had been crying like a girl whilst watchingSnow White.).

Dumbledore's ghost popped out from underneath Harry's chair, causing the Boy-Who-Lived to leap up ten feet in the air and exclaim "Flooperpoo!"

"You scared me headmaster."

"Sorry, I found some interesting flavors of gum underneath here." The old man stated, showing the interesting shades of the candy now covering his teeth.

"Ewww." Nymphadora groaned, slapping her hand to her forehead as Minerva made a face.

"You know Albus, that is completely disgusting, and if you were alive I wouldn't even think about…" The head of Gryffindor house blushed profusely and went back to knitting her tartan sweater.

Harry and Ron's suspicions were confirmed as to whether or not Dumbledore and McGonagall had been having a love affair.

It seemed that everyone had forgotten about Kingsley, and he had gotten lost from the group. Moments later, an elderly security gentleman brought him over by the collar.

"Does this young man belong to you?"

"Nope" Replied Nymphadora

"Never seen him before in my life." Chimed in Ron and Harry.

"Doesn't look familiar…" Sirius replied, peering at him.

"Don't think we know him." Lupin stated.

Dumbledore and Arthur were too busy with their findings, and it wasn't until Minerva coughed and sighed, walking over and taking Kingsley by the arm, that he was rescued from going to kiddieland. "He's ours. We'll take him back." She stated, giving the others a cross look. Kingsley glared at the others and sat down, holding onto his knapsack and taking a drink of the apple juice the nice security guard had given him.

"The plane! The plane!" Arthur cried, having crouched down on the ground and pointed at the incoming airplane that was about to roll up to their gate. The lady at the ticketing booth sighed and shook her head, "No sir, you've got the wrong destination. We're going to Disneyland, not Fantasy Island."

The wizards looked at her funny, but shrugged and went back to sorting out their things as boarding would begin in a little while.

Forty-five minutes later, the group of ten were boarded on the plane and sitting peacefully. Well, for the most part. Remus and Nymphadora were seated comfortably beside each other; Harry and Ron were behind them, making faces at how disgusting it was (even though both of them had acted the same way just a year ago). The ghost of Dumbledore was having the same problem as Sirius, trying to figure out how to fit the seatbelt over his ghostly form, at the same time as he was making pleasant chit-chat with Minerva, who had insisted upon sitting beside him.

Sirius had plopped himself down into the seat beside Arthur, who was staring dreamily at the exit plans written in German, Spanish and English, because they showed the air flow going through the cabin. He thought he was in heaven. Sirius thought he had gone mental.

Kingsley and Alastor were busy arguing over who got the aisle seat. Apparently Moody felt that he had better CONSTANT VIGILANCE than the younger auror, but Kingsley felt that he would have to use the lavatory more than once during the flight, and really didn't fancy having to move over Alastor's lap.

Kingsley had been correct in his assumption about lavatory usage. Indeed he had to use the facilities thrice during the entire flight, blaming it all on that Starbucks coffee ("but they don't have those in Diagon Alley!"), of which, he had had three of the tallest size coffees they had. It was then that Alastor was quite glad he had let the younger auror have the aisle seat.

Everyone, for the most part slept quite peacefully on the way there, for lack of anything else to do. The only one enjoying the Disney princess movies was Dumbledore, who was tapping his ghostly foot against the seat in front of him to the tune, causing the muggle who was trying to doze off to get quite angry.

"Sing it sister!" He cried as the Fairy Godmother waved her wand and turned the pumpkin into a carriage. At this, Minerva scoffed and held her head up high, "there is absolutely no possible way to transfigure a _pumpkin_ into a working mode of transportation." And she would know, she was, after all, the finest Transfiguration teacher Hogwarts had ever seen.

Harry and Ron had found ways to entertain themselves, much to the chagrin of Nymphadora and Remus, who were trying to sleep in the row ahead of them.

"Are you animal or mineral?"

"Um...animal I guess."

"Do you have two legs or four?"

"Well…err…four…once."

"Once?"

"Yeah, once."

"Ok. Hooves? Toes?"

"Err...hooves."

"A horse?"

"Nope."

"A cow?"

"Err…no."

"I give up then."

"Bacon!"

At least Arthur and Sirius had fallen asleep. Sirius was snoring _very_ loudly, almost growling, it was rather silly if you were sitting behind him, like the muggle accountant who was trying to work on some important papers, however it wasn't working too well because of the rumbling noise coming from in front of him.

Finally, finally they all fell into a peaceful sleep and remained that way for the remainder of the long flight to Los Angeles.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Muggle California

"We have to wait for a _bus_?" Severus' voice was less than amiable as he stood with his suitcases _in his hands_, staring incredulously at the Black sisters, who were reveling in the California sun.

"Oh shut it Snape." Bella snapped as she pulled out a pair of lime green horn rimmed sunglasses and putting them on over her eyes, shielding them from the hot sun. "We're waiting for our shuttle and then we'll be taken to the proper hotel, don't get your knickers in a knot."

That shut him up, but he shot her a surly look, slamming his suitcases on the floor and crossing his arms.

Voldemort, on the other hand, was staring wide eyed at the palm trees, pulling out a wizard's camera and snapping shots of the waving fronds. He'd have to scrapbook these with Amycus and Alecto when he got back. They were talented like that.

Narcissa leaned up against the brick wall on the outside of the airport. "Well, it ought to be here anytime now, don't worry." She smiled happily and tapped her long, red painted fingernails against the side.

As if on cue, the tour bus pulled up against the side, and a rotund, bearded man with an accent waddled out and opened the hatch.

"I am Valter; please poot yoor theengs eenside the hatch." He explained as he stuck their oddly shaped, weird coloured bags inside the back, almost unable to fit them all. Finally, after fitting them all in, the people stepped in.

It was a tight fit; Voldemort, Fenrir and Snape piled into the back, then in the second row it was Bellatrix, Narcissa and Rodolphus, the next row contained Draco, Peter and Rabastan, and finally, in the front seat, sat Lucius Malfoy.

Apparently 'Valter' didn't get on too well with the Malfoy man, as by the time they reached the hotel, he had had enough of the "Oooh! Palm tree!" every corner, and had turned up the radio as loud as possible.

"We're here!" Sirius and Dumbledore cried in unison, as they 'walked' out of the airport and into the hot sun. Their luggage was in tow, as was the rest of the little group along for the ride.

Harry and Ron were still playing the Animal and Mineral game, with Ron usually choosing some sort of lunch meat, and were swinging their bags back and forth, usually nearly hitting those behind them.

Nymphadora and Remus were walking hand in hand, each free hand holding onto their corresponding suitcase, her head was sleepily resting against his jumper clad sweater and she yawned from time to time. They were thoroughly unfazed by the change in atmosphere.

Arthur and Minerva walked out next, the former in a daze, completely giddy at the fact he had just flown Trans-Atlantic, muggle style. The latter was grumbling about Dumbledore not walking with her, and holding onto her knitting in the free hand.

"Watch your backs will you?" Moody whispered rather loudly as he caught up with them on his good leg. "Constant vigilance!" He added knowingly, as Kingsley rolled his eyes and wished he had remembered his yoga mat. It was definitely going to be a long holiday.

Finally, after a good forty-five minute wait, the little red shuttle bus arrived. This time, it was driven by a happy looking man with no accent, and they were at least used to muggles enough that they knew how to put their things in the trunk. Piling into the van, 'Dora, Remus and Sirius took the back, Dumbledore, Minerva and Kingsley took the second row, the first was inhabited by Harry, Ron and Arthur, and the front seat was taken by Alastor, who really enjoyed the Elvis song that the driver had playing in the background.

Upon reaching the Disneyland Resort Hotel, the "Oooo's and Ahhhh's" were nearly deafening. It was gigantic! At least twenty-five floors and six different shaped pools. Nymphadora found that especially nifty, she could have six different looks, one for each pool. Remus however, found that he wasn't going to be extremely fond of that area (not only because of the scars that crisscrossed across his chest, but because of the young men who were sitting around the pool).

Slowly they walked inside, trying to take in absolutely everything at once. That, of course, was far too much, so they decided they would probably have to come back down later and repeat the process, trying to find the things they had missed on the way (Ron suggested that perhaps they ought to leave their suitcases the second time, to which, he got smacked by his father).

The check in desk was covered in Disney memorabilia, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy (of which, Nymphadora teased Remus that that's what he was like on Wolfsbane) figurines adorned every corner. A hotel administrator named Dennis checked them in, and they crammed themselves on the elevator.

"This is incredible…" Arthur breathed as he looked at his reflection in the mirrored glass. Some sort of modern jazz was playing in the background, and Harry and Ron both made faces.

It reached the corresponding floor (which was, as a matter of fact, one level lower than the 'Nutters'), and they walked out, going to their rooms, keys in hand.

The keys seemed to pose a problem, as Remus and Nymphadora tried desperately to figure out how the little card fit in to the door of their room. Harry and Ron triumphed with theirs, figuring it was because of Hermione, Sirius groaned at the fact that Arthur was examining every detail of the door mechanism before inserting the little, decorated card, Dumbledore and Minerva were too busy arguing over why he couldn't just walk through and unlock it from the inside ("You're a ghost you stupid prat!"), Alastor and Kingsley were just feeling a little put out that they had to share a room. Moody didn't like the fact that Shacklebolt enjoyed yoga, and Kingsley didn't enjoy that Mad-Eye put his eye in a denture glass every night, and put his fake leg at the end of his bed.

Finally all was well, and everyone had put their things in drawers and closets etc…they met in the hallway, each with a different idea of who was going to do what. Finally they decided on groups. Harry, Ron, Arthur and Sirius were going to visit the pool (much to Sirius' chagrin, as he couldn't put on a swimsuit), Nymphadora and Remus were going to go check out a little chocolate factory down in the lobby, Minerva and Dumbledore were going to remain in their room knitting (Dumbledore was good at keeping track of how many knits and purls she had accomplished), and Kingsley and Mad-Eye were going to go and get airbrush tattoos.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: The Nutters plan their day.

"What _exactly_ is there to _do_ here?" Came the slithering speech of Severus Snape, who now, was glancing around the five star hotel with as much dislike in his gaze as that towards Harry. The glittering lights and blasting of the Rod Stewart song 'The Way You Look Tonight' were really starting to get to the ex-potion's master of Hogwarts.

He was not alone.

Lucius Malfoy was also getting rather annoyed with the music choice, as he would have much preferred Barry Manilow and Copacabana.

"Well, the map of the hotel says it sports six diverse pools, all in the same area…" read Voldemort, raising a skin eyebrow at the thought of so many pools…which would obviously mean that there were at least 100 people in each pool….multiplied by six…that would mean that there were 600 people he could torture! Bellatrix obviously saw the look of pure bliss and delight in his eyes, because she then piped up,

"No hexing people at the _hotel_. This is where we are staying my lord…if they kick us out we'll have to stay at the Motel 6 across the way, and it did not look too classy in my opinion…and if I have a cockroach crawling on me in the night, I would murder you all."

And they knew she wasn't kidding.

Voldemort pouted and opened his mouth to say something, but Narcissa cut in quite quickly, "we're going to be at Disneyland tomorrow, you can secretly hex and curse all you want…but we're only here at the hotel for three days, so I think you will be able to stand it."

Voldemort finally resigned and decided that he _had _been almost dead for thirteen or so years, so three days he could more than likely stand, and be just fine.

After much deliberation, the group finally decided that Voldemort and Peter would check out the pool, Cissa and Bellatrix would go to the gift shop and see if they could get some bargains, Rodolphus and Rabastan wanted nothing more than a nap in their rooms (even though they had been quite gung-ho about the whole traipsing about the hotel when coming down on the elevator), Lucius and Severus were going to go to the happy hour at the little cocktail and bar restaurant near the lobby, Fenrir and Draco decided that the arcade seemed the finest idea out of them all (funnily enough, these were their room arrangements too, so it worked quite well.).

"I don't look good in a swimsuit." Voldemort pouted as he stared at the chubby man walking beside him, Peter's silver hand gleaming in the sunlight as he held onto their towels as if his life depended on it. Indeed the pamphlet had been correct, as there _were_ six different pools, each in the different shape of fruits and Disney characters.

"Oh yes you do my lord." Peter nodded, lying through his pointy teeth as he cowered beside the taller, greener man.

"I'll believe you then." The Dark Lord had just gotten over the fact that he had no nose (why should it matter as long as everything else was intact?), so having to put on a Speedo was rather intimidating. Peter had refused the swimming shorts when he saw them in the store, because they had skulls embroidered on them, and he was afraid it would attract attention.

Situating themselves upon the lounge chairs, Peter took out the SPF 500 sunscreen. He squirted it onto his pudgy un-silver finger and smeared it on his nose (at which, Voldemort scowled and did the same over the flatness of his 'nose', only to wince and hold back tears as he accidentally inhaled some). Taking off their robes, they leaned back in the sun, watching the happy people as they splashed and cavorted around the waterworks.

"Snow globe!" Cissa shrieked as she plastered her face against the glass window looking into the gift shop. The one she was giggling at and sighing about happened to have Cinderella and Prince Charming swirling around in the snow. Looking around furtively, and having Bellatrix block anyone's view, she flicked her wand and made Prince Charming's hair lengthen and turn bright blonde. "The perfect souvenir!" She smiled and picked it up, taking it to the counter to pay for it, and get it gift wrapped. It would look absolutely perfect on the Malfoy Mantelpiece. The cashier gave a strange look as he glanced towards the man in the globe, and gave her a discount for an error in manufacturing, to which, Narcissa giggled in glee, and watched as Bellatrix paid for an Evil Maleficent hat and veil in purple and green, which she promptly stuck on top of her thick black hair.

"How do I look Cissa?" She asked proudly, pouting her lips in supermodel fashion.

"Lovely Dahling," Narcissa drawled in return, beckoning her sister to twirl around, which Bella did, and Cissa clapped while children stared at them with raised eyebrows, wondering if they had mental issues.

After the purchases, they sneaked into the little movie theatre, and sat down with a bucket of greasy popcorn and settled to watch '101 Dalmatians'.

"Firewhiskey please." The elder Malfoy man asked in dignified air, setting himself down beside Severus on a bar stool, which had you sitting on Mickey's face.

"I'm sorry sir? I've never heard of those before..." The bartender stated with quirked brows, glancing back up at the rows of various alcoholic beverages he was forced to pour and watch day in day out.

"What _do_ you have then?" Severus hissed as he peered at the odd looking labels, trying to find a "Phinneus' Best", or "Dragonhide Sting", unfortunately it was to no avail.

"We have margaritas, martinis, hurricanes, scorpions, vodka and soda, scotch, whiskey sours, pińa coladas…." The man went on and on, listing off the various brews and drinks from memory. He had obviously been here a while, judging by the memory, and the fact his nametag "Hello I'm Earl" looked a little on the shabby side.

"Um. Well, two Scorpions please then." Lucius decided, slapping a credit card on the table as he had seen cowboys do with cash in the old muggle western films he secretly adored. The bartender nodded and went to making them, albeit slowly, which got on the two powerful wizards' nerves, for at any other _Wizarding_ pub, it would have been brewed and mixed in the blink of an eye.

"Here you go." Earl stated emotionlessly as he slid the drinks towards the two men; in large, bowl shaped cups.

"Mm! Fruity!" Lucius commented as he took a long sip, waiting for Severus to do the same. Once the potions master had, he nodded slowly, taking another long swig and _grinning_ to his counterpart.

Five drinks later, and still going strong, the two men decided it would be fun to dance on the table beside them, much to the chagrin of two women, but the enjoyment of their male friend.

Rabastan and Rodolphus were snoring away in their room, the covers on both beds bunched up around them as the loud noises swam out the door and into the hallway, where the room service lady decided to refrain from entering, even if the Privacy Please sign was not out.

The arcade was not at all what it was cracked up to be. They only had "Dance Dance Revolution!" out of all the 'hip' games, and there was already a long line wrapping around the other games in order to get on said one. Fenrir was able to content himself by pulling up a seat at an ancient Star Wars pinball machine, priding himself upon getting the little ball in the right slot. "I won!" He cried the first time, dancing in his seat as he tapped his long fingernails against the glass top. How tempted was he to rip off that top and merely put the ball in the large slot where it was supposed to be and he couldn't get it in! Alas, he could not.

Well, technically he could, but there was a rather large and threatening sign above said machine that stated in large, bold face type:

**ABSOLUTELY NO RIPPING OFF OF THE GLASS**

And so, being the rule following (as long as it wasn't a ministry rule) werewolf that he was, he obeyed. Draco kept calling him a 'pansy of a minion', but Fenrir kindly ignored (or perhaps it was the fact he was so utterly _enthralled_ in the game) the nasty remark and merely tutted, masking anger with a dazed look of glee as the ball _finally_ went into that _damned_ hole.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five: The Good Guys do their thing

"This is sad, I won't be able to swim!" Pouted Sirius as he floated along beside his three companions. "I've never even _liked_ swimming to begin with, but now that I absolutely can't even _attempt_ it, I feel rather…distressed." Had he been human, there would have been big, shiny tears sliding down by now. Real or not, they would have been there.

Arthur was beaming slightly as he glanced around in awe at all the muggles. "Look…that one's even talking in _another language_…" He whispered to Ron, tugging his son's shoulder as his Weasley eyes flittered from tourist to tourist. The younger Weasley merely shrugged away and looked at his father with a weird expression, glancing at Harry as if he had just seen an unidentified occurrence. Harry stifled a snort and wrapped the pearly white towel about his waist a bit tighter…ever since that escapade with Myrtle in the prefect's bathroom, he couldn't be too careful.

Once at the pool, the four found seats right beside each other, and plopped down upon them as if this was quite normal, and that they were all extremely used to sitting in front of large pools in the hot sun; this was, of course, not at all the case, but they wanted to seem like old pros because there was also a group of lovely women sitting right across from them, and they seemed to be playing the staring game.

Sirius was enjoying himself immensely with this, having perfected his tactics way back when in Hogwarts, thus, he had the seemingly anorexic blonde on the left under his spell in a matter of moments. Arthur was blushing all the way to his ears, trying to remind himself that he was _very _married as the girl's friend looked his direction. Ron and Harry were now playing the 'Animal, vegetable, mineral' game once more, having completely forgotten the conquest that had been laid in front of them as most teenage boys are wont to do.

The chocolate factory was everything Remus J. Lupin could have dreamt of and more. He had even asked Nymphadora to pinch him upon their entrance, afraid that perhaps they were asleep back in their room, that perhaps he had just had too much hot cocoa the night before. But that was not the case. It was the most incredible habitat of confections either of them had ever seen, (for it was, at this time, a time of the month that Nymphadora completely detested; and Remus was always poking fun at her when she had chocolate because of all of the _myths_ he had read.).

"Amazing." Breathed Nymphadora.

"Miraculous." Whispered Remus.

"Remarkable." Added the pudgy man with whiskers who was standing unnervingly close to Remus. Nymphadora's gaydar was on, and she looked ready to attack, because no matter _what_ people said, Remus J. Lupin was as straight as an arrow, and she knew firsthand. Grabbing his hand and placing a very risqué kiss to his cheek, she pulled him across the room towards what looked like giant clusters of chocolate, (best of all, when she'd been transferring currencies, she'd found that muggle American money was worth a whole lot less than theirs, so things were quite a bit cheaper.) .

"Mmm, I think we should get a few of these." She commented, digging in her purse for her wallet (which had the Weird Sisters' logo embroidered in lilac across).

"Don't forget these…." Drooled Remus as he stared into a case of giant, chocolate mice (however, in his mind they looked like rats, and what better way to pretend to murder your best-friend-turned-worst-enemy than by having him as chocolate and you eating him; makes revenge far _sweeter_).

After a good hour of selection, the two came out with a bag that could rival a gaggle of preteen girls at Hollister. It was then decided, that they would save it all for after dinner, and never tell anyone what they had bought, for then _everyone_ would be knocking on their door all night long asking for bits and pieces of chocolate. Thus, the couple stealthily made it to the elevator, passing the very bar where Severus and Lucius were having the drunken _time of their lives_, without even noticing that the man who had killed the ghost in the room next door, and one of the most wanted death eaters (and now an escapee from Azkaban) were inside. Dropping their newfound treasure on their bed, they began to get ready for dinner.

"Knit one, pearl two. Knit one, pearl two. Knit one…-Kaboom!-" Dumbledore cried, giggling madly and shaking his bushy bearded head. " Gotcha."

Minerva, unfortunately, did not find it as funny as the older man had hoped, as she promptly dropped her knitting in her lap and wagged a warning finger in front of his ghostly nose.

"One more time and I swear I shall impale you on one of my needles"

Now, you and I both know that this would have had utterly no effect upon the apparition of everyone's (well, with the exception of a few) favorite headmaster, however, to him this was the biggest threat of all, for in between the lines it meant that he would no longer be welcome to watch her knit.

"Oh fine. You're no fun anymore." He pouted, sticking his lower lip marvelously further than his nose, making himself look as though he was one of those South American jungle natives with the plates in their mouth.

"That was the most idiotic answer you have ever given Albus, and I would be quite happy if you would kindly _shut up_ and let me concentrate." The head of Gryffindor, and newly appointed headmistress hissed through clenched teeth.

"But it's my only line!" He countered through a wail.

There were long lines at each and every one of the tattoo stands, all of them but one. Billy Bob's Brushed-on Brands.

It _sounded_ safe enough. Besides, they were wizards, they could always counter it.

"I want the big tribal band around my arm, the one with the spikes and the pointy barb like things on the edges." Kingsley stated as he studied the choices carefully, and allowed the assistant to sit him in a seat and begin the airbrushing process.

"Well I was thinking of something a bit cuter…like…a gingerbread man?" Alastor suggested as he tapped his chin in thought.

"You mean like the one on my finger?" Asked the man obviously known as Billy Bob, wiggling a grub-like finger in front of Mad-Eye's eyes, showing a smiling gingerbread man on the very tip.

"Exactly." He nodded, sitting down in the chair and uncovering his shoulder, much to Kingsley's disgust, as the latter had to cover his eyes to keep from being scarred. With that, Billy Bob began to paint on the happy little gingerbread being.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Dinner for the Nutters.

"Well that was a lovely day!" Exclaimed Lucius as he pressed the elevator button ten times in succession, liking the dinging noise that occurred each time; his eyes were a bit on the bloodshot side, and he looked as though he had just run a marathon. Narcissa's arm was looped through his, but she looked rather embarrassed to be seen with him right now. Bellatrix was very glad that her own husband had had enough sense to sleep the afternoon away, because no matter how large a man he was, he truly couldn't hold his liquor. Severus didn't look too happy, has he had the biggest, most painful headache he supposed had ever happened in history. No matter how hard he had tried, he couldn't get out of dinner with the _entire_ 'family'.

"I got sun burnt." Sighed Peter, idly tapping his silver fingers against the elevator walls as the machine started to move them down to the lobby and the restaurant floor.

Each of them other than Voldemort looked at Wormtail to see his sunburn, but they couldn't find a trace.

"On my bum…" He explained with a nod, eliciting quite a few disgusted faces as each of them went back to _not_ looking at Pettigrew. "I forgot to put the sunscreen on." He pouted, and the Dark Lord began to whistle innocently, knowing in his own conniving mind that he had conveniently 'forgotten' to remind Peter about that just for the sake of being evil; that and the fact that seeing the evil animagus' backside was enough to make anyone lose their lunch, and any such thoughts about _saving_ said rear end. Because of this, dear Peter had brought along an ice pack, 'to sit on' he had told them pointedly when he first exited the room with it; many a strange look had been given him as he walked with it firmly pressed against his bum.

Severus looked around purposefully; if he could find _anywhere _else to go, he would. This group was quite possibly the bearer of more embarrassment than anything else the world had dealt him. He frowned as he glanced at a happy family toddling past.

"Don't look so glum, chum!" Fenrir grinned as he playfully punched Snape in the arm.

"If you weren't a gigantic, lumbering, cruel werewolf I would not be letting you get away with that." Growled the beak-nosed man as he sunk his neck further into his shoulders, trying to hide from the fate that had been given him as one of the 'Nutters'.

"Well! What does everyone feel like?" Cissa asked as she gracefully pulled her sister into the middle of the lobby, glancing at the restaurant map, peering at the categories of food. Each person had a different opinion, but Draco began to pout, complaining that he hadn't gotten to play 'Dance Dance Revolution!', so he ought to be able to choose.

Even Voldemort couldn't argue with that, and so off they went for Mexican.

They did however, begin to question their choice as the big, glowing, neon sign of "El Retardando's" stared down at them from its blinking perch high atop the adobe outside. Yet it smelled very good from what was wafting out towards them, so they went in anyway.

It was very crowded inside, which was taken as a good sign, and thus they sat down, pulling chairs out, setting napkins in laps, and sipping at waters that the waiter 'Ricardo' had set down almost immediately once they had stepped in.

Ordering was even easy, and the food was there in nearly a blink of an eye. This astounded Lucius, and he complained that now he had no reason to hex anyone. This was met by a sharp kick to the shin by his wife, and he immediately began shoveling enchilada into his mouth.

"Well!" Exclaimed Voldemort as he clapped his hands together happily, "You'll never at all guess what Peter and I saw today down at the pool today!"

No one even attempted, as the last time they attempted, the answer had been Amycus and Alecto streaking across the quidditch pitch. Something that had been burned into each one's memory at just the mere, disgusting thought of it.

"I saw someone who looked _exactly_ like Sirius Black!"

Bellatrix sneered and shook her head, "Impossible, I killed him nearly two years ago now." She countered, twirling cheese on her fork and stabbing mercilessly at her salad.

"Well of course you did silly, but I saw what he'd look like _now_. As in ghosty." Voldemort grinned and chewed thoughtfully on a piece of asparagus. "Come to think about it…isn't it a little odd that I would see someone who looks quite like Sirius Black's ghost…in muggle California?"

They all stopped eating at exactly the same moment, eyes glued to Voldemort, veins throbbing with anger at the very thought.

"Nahh." They spoke in unison,

"Would be utterly impossible. Don't know _what_ I was thinking!" The Dark Lord shook his head and wagged his hand, "So…tell me about _your_ day."

And they did, forgetting absolutely everything that had been said about Sirius Black, and the thoughts that would lead from his name.

"Well I had a good time today." Lucius grinned as he spoke, not hesitating one second in ordering a martini. He gulped that right down and wasted no time at all in ordering a second, and then a third. Narcissa was watching with raised eyebrows, and was suddenly glad she was sharing a room with her sister and not her husband. A little bird told her he was going to be making many a trip to the loo that evening.

"Anyway, as I was saying. Sev and I went and found this lovely little lounge, where they serve the most _wonderful_ drinks! They're called….bugs…no, bees? That's not it…Beet-"

"Scorpions you imbecile." Snape interrupted quickly, rubbing his temples as he stared at his food, no longer was it the two enchiladas he had ordered had turned into six, and his headache had increased tenfold. Drumming his long fingers against the plastic coated table, he let loose a long sigh. With that, Bellatrix looked up and placed her napkin on the tabletop.

"Well, tomorrow is the day we go to this _Disneyland_, so we'd better rest up no?" Coming from the LeStrange woman, everyone knew that this was not a suggestion, but a demand. The others nodded resignedly, and in turn placed their napkins and other things on the table, standing up with creaking chairs as they piled into the elevator and went back to their respective rooms (after, of course, Voldemort left a very stingy tip).

"Goodnight my dear." Narcissa stated, pressing a peck to Lucius' nose. "Sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs, or Rodolphus bite!" She giggled, watching as Lucius' face broke out in horror.

"_Does_ he?" her husband asked with concern, obviously not getting the joke.

"Of course not!" Cissa sighed, wondering what happened to the incredibly bright man she had married when she was younger. Oh well, at least he was still _dreadfully_ good looking; and that thought made her smile quite brightly.

Rodolphus merely rolled his eyes at the thought that he would be _biting_ Lucius. Ick! I mean, who knows where that man had been!

"Goodnight Bella dear." He told his wife, giving her a tight hug, "Don't stay up too late." He had seen the manicure kits on the sisters' beds, and all of the 80's movies they had rented from the video store downstairs, including _Boyfriend School_. He didn't quite know what that was all about, but hoped that it wasn't too bad….But how bad could muggle films get?

"Goodnight Roddy, make sure that Lucius doesn't fall off the bed, or wet the bed for that matter."

(At this, her husband made a disgusted face; he knew that the Malfoy man's maturity level had regressed during the stint in Azkaban, but for Merlin's sake! He was forty five!).

The four of them went into their rooms, as did Draco, Severus, Rabastan, Fenrir, Peter and The Dark Lord, the latter had already changed into his firemen pajamas, and was ordering warm milk and nachos from room service. Apparently Peter had found the dirty movies, but Voldemort pouted, and changed it to cartoons. Something called 'Johnny Bravo'. This, funnily enough, was what Voldemort had always wanted to look like! Too bad his nose was gone, and the fact that he would never ever tan. Poor Voldie!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Everyone Else Dines and Sleeps

"So where are we all going to eat?" Sirius asked with a grin. The nice thing about being a ghost was that you could eat absolutely anything you wanted, and never gain an ounce. He was planning to take full advantage of that perk this evening.

"Umm…" Remus began, crossing his arms as they traipsed through the lobby; there were scads of restaurants of _every_ kind all throughout the lobby and downstairs, but no one could agree.

Half wanted Japanese, and the other half wanted Italian.

"How about…Oh!" Nymphadora grinned, pointing towards what looked to be a diner, complete with a disco ball and multicoloured floor. Wrinkling her nose, and making sure no muggles were watching, she changed her spiky hair to match said floor, with squares of different colours that could rival the restaurant.

"Looks good to me!" They all chimed in unison, going to stand in line at 'Huggy's Diner', where it was said they were having a dance-off at nine. That would be incredibly interesting.

"Wait!" All heads turned towards Sirius, who was peering at a Mexican restaurant.

"No, we already decided on this Padfoot." Remus stated, attempting to pull his friend and fellow marauder back in line.

"No…I thought for _sure_ I saw You-Know-Who.." The other man explained, causing looks of horror from each of the other people in the group.

They all looked at each other and shook their heads, "Nah…."

With that, they were ushered to their huge booth, and the orders were taken. Most all had ordered the usual, which was a hamburger, fries and a strawberry milkshake (except for Remus and Nymphadora who got chocolate, obviously couldn't wait for bed where they had all of their bags of candy from the shop downstairs). The food came, and everyone was eating and talking animatedly about their day.

"Well! Kingsley and I got tattoos!" Alastor said with a bright grin, extending his finger, receiving a few smiles and quite a few snorts. Kingsley revealed his bicep, and Minerva even swooned. This made Mad Eye pout and stuff a few fries into his mouth.

"Well we did a lot of shopping." Tonks replied, leaning back in her seat as she took a sip from her chocolate milkshake, though she wasn't going to disclose what they had bought, lest the rest of the group be trying to make off with the sweets.

Dumbledore and Minerva shrugged and showed off their knitting extravaganza, which really wasn't much, as only two more rows had been accomplished on whatever it was the woman was making. Albus really could be too much of a distraction sometimes. Alright, all the time. Especially now that he was dead, he was acting very zany.

Harry and Ron yawned slightly, knowing that their day with Arthur and Sirius hadn't been that entertaining. Sleeping by the pool for an hour, then reading a bit, then sleeping some more. In truth it wasn't that interesting a day for them.

Apart from seeing a rather rotund mousy looking man sun tanning his bum. This scene had scarred them all for life. That and the ugly man who had been seated beside him. Had he not had a nose? Well, Arthur and Ron hadn't seen one. But Sirius and Harry had been asleep at the time, so they couldn't recognize or tell.

All of a sudden the lights were down low, and a short balding man with carrot red curls, dressed in bellbottoms and an open-chested paisley print shirt walked onto the stage area. A microphone was lowered from the ceiling, and he began to speak into it.

"Alright man, ladies and gents', it's time for the signature _dance- off ­_ of the evening!" He whispered into the microphone, his eyes squinting as he looked out over the audience. It seemed as though he was scoping out tonight's competitors. People seemed to be cowering in their seats, some even hiding underneath the benches out of fear that _they _might be the ones chosen by this atrocious looking man.

Fortunately for them, someone raised their hand…someone was brave enough to take on Dancin' Rick!

Unfortunately for our group at the table, that certain courageous somebody happened to be Dumbledore, who in reality, had just been trying to reach the disco ball above the table.

"And congratulations to our brave contestant!" The DJ stated, coming over to usher Albus towards the middle of the dance floor.

"Don't worry guys, back in my day, I knew how to boogie down….besides, I really need to wee so it ought to be fine!" He whispered with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he followed the man with abhorrent fashion sense to the middle of the floor.

All of a sudden the lights were out, and the disco ball was lowered completely to its position. The floor began to flash its various colours, and the music began to start. Everyone began to move closer in order to see what was going on, and the different dance moves that would be brought to show at this evening's dance off!

"Well lookie here, it seems Dancin' Rick is doing a little electric slide.." The man announced as Saturday Night Fever began to blare.

"Is that…the sprinkler? Looks like newcomer Albus knows his stuff….but how long will he be able to last?"

"Oh….Rick's pulling out the hardcore stuff now…he's got a little side action goin' down…"

"Albus picks it up with a little worm now…"

"Looks like Rick's getting jiggy with it…"  
"Albus seems to be getting a bit freaky…"

The music stopped after a little Bee Gees, and both the man and the ghost stopped, sweating like pigs and exhausted.

"Shall we do the applause-O-meter?" The DJ asked, only to be answered by thunderous clapping from the various booths. "I take that as a yes then!" He replied, pointing to Albus, "Who wants this man here?" He asked, looking around at the patrons. The ground shook with all of the clapping (even if Sirius had hexed some of them into clapping against their will). "Oohhh looks as though this might be close!" He stated, now pointing to Rick. "And how about this man!" Crickets chirped, and people looked uncomfortably at each other, afraid that the pudgy man with the fro and the polyester pantsuit might hunt them down.

"Well! It seems as if we have ourselves a winner ladies and gents! Albus Dumbledore from London!"

Dumbledore raised his hands in victory, giving a little shake of his bum as he moved to accept his prize, which was, a golden brooch in the shape of disco balls.

"Albus wins the golden balls!" Cheers rose from the audience, and Dumbledore accepted it gratefully, before running off to do his business at the nearest loo.

Later that same evening, Remus and Tonks were in bed eating chocolate and watching 'An American Werewolf In London.', since this seemed to be a bit of a role reversal. The older man laughed at all of the inaccuracies, shaking his head and hugging his girlfriend as he stuffed his face full of the newly bought sweets.

"They've really no idea what they're talking about do they?" He asked, sighing and wiping the tears from his laughing eyes.

"Nope, you could teach them a thing or two!" Nymphadora replied as she bit into a raspberry truffle. "Perhaps you ought to go into the horror movie business." She suggested in a joking tone.

With anyone else, Remus would have been offended, but in this case he merely turned and began tickling her mercilessly.

In the meantime, Harry and Ron had fallen fast asleep, so Sirius and Arthur had gone off in order to watch the 'Island of Dr. Moreau' in their room.

"I am the law!" Sirius barked, nearly falling off of his bed as he watched, trying to take it seriously. The one dude did happen to look a bit like Remus after a bad full moon, but he decided not to tell his friend, as that might be considered a bit insulting. Arthur merely sighed, not really paying attention to the movie at all, he was too busy taking apart the heater and figuring out just how it worked. These things were _amazing_!

"Goodnight my little dance off winner."

"Goodnight my little headmistress."

And I think that that's all we need to go into in _that_ room.

"Do you suppose I should wear the tank top pajamas? Or my fuzzy ones? Only, the fuzzy ones don't show off my new tattoo, the tank top does nicely."

"I don't bloody care what ones you wear! Just turn off the flamin' light!" Alastair replied in a very cross tone indeed. He was seated in his bed, arms crossed over his gingerbread man pajamas. He had been so excited to find them. He even named each of them and introduced them to the tattoo on his finger.

"But what about my tattoo!" Kingsley whined, pouting slightly as he looked towards the older auror.

"Shacklebolt. It's the middle of the bleeding night. The only way _anyone_ will see your tattoo is if there's a fire!" He hissed, crawling underneath his quilt and pulling it over his head, trying to block out all the light as he closed his eyes tightly. It didn't work.

"Oh _fine_!" He mumbled. "You're no fun anymore." He added, flipping off the light as he crawled under the covers in his fuzzy pajamas.

"Seriously Kingsley. If Albus got a new tattoo, and there was a fire, do you think anyone would care what he-

"WAS WEARING" Interrupted a cross-eyed man in a Viking hat.

"I suppose you're right." The other auror replied resignedly, snuggling up against his pillow with a long sigh.

"I know I am." Moody stated into the dark as Kingsley began to snore. Mad eye took that as his cue to fall to sleep as well.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: The Disneyland Extravaganza!

"Now where to first?" Came the domineering voice of Bellatrix as she stood, scanning the map and tapping the end of her sunglasses against her chin. It was incredibly overwhelming, so very much that each of them secretly longed for a longer stay, even Severus; though none would admit this to the other.

"Well I want to go to the princess castle!" Narcissa pouted, crossing her arms over the tank top with a Cinderella appliqué. "I've been _dying _to go since we got here, you know that Bella!"

"Well we want to do Splash Mountain." Came the reply of the Dark Lord and Peter in unison.

"Alright, well Fenrir and I will be going to Indiana Jones then." Rabastan retorted rudely, even if he had absolutely no idea who this Indiana person was.

"I suppose that means Rodolphus and I will do-" Draco was cut off by an impatient "Pirates of the Caribbean!" By his counterpart.

"Severus and I will be in the bar." Drawled Lucius casually, as he peeked around through the endless amount of tourists, trying to spy his destination.

"This is Disneyland oh idiot brother of mine." Bellatrix told him, rolling her eyes at how completely _stupid_ he was. "That means it's _non-alcoholic­._"

Lucius scowled and sighed, "Alright, I suppose that that means we'll be off to Small World then."

Severus hit himself on the head, dragging his palm down the side of his face in disgust. '_you have got to be kidding me_' he thought to himself, a ragged sigh escaping easily through his mouth, heard by all but acknowledged by none.

"Alright, it's eight o'clock now, we will meet back here at the entrance to Frontierland at eight o'clock P.M. That gives us all twelve hours to do whatever we wish." Bellatrix stated calmly, handing out copies of the map to each of the pairs. "Always stay with your buddy, do not separate. If one of you has to use the loo, you both use the loo. If one of you wants to go on a ride, you both go on the ride. No exceptions. Have you got that?" They all nodded, and she believed them.

The day had begun.

"Now where to first?" Sirius was so excited he thought he was going to wet his ghostly pants. He hadn't been somewhere this fun since Hogwarts his first year. This was going to be a blast.

"Remus and I are going to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride." Nymphadora told him with a smile, squeezing the werewolf's hand gently as she peeked at her map.

"Sirius, I thought we could do Splash Mountain?" Arthur suggested, rubbing his hands together at the thought of _finally_ seeing how those roller coasters worked. It would be pure heaven.

"Well Harry and I think Indiana Jones sounds wicked.." Ron chimed in, pointing to it on a large You Are Here map.

"Dumbledore and I are planning on the Small World ride, he adores that song." Minerva said fondly, looking at the other ghost. Little did she know just how irritating that song was, or how it stuck in your head all day long after the tenth ride.

"I was thinking…theprincesscastle." Alastor said very quickly, not wanting anyone to hear what he had said.

"Pardon?" Sirius raised a spectral eyebrow and just stared. What had the ex-auror just said?

"He said, 'The Princess Castle'" Kingsley clarified, smiling slightly, he wanted to go just as badly. No one needed to know that he had Disney princess boxer shorts on at the moment.

"Sounds like a plan." Sirius nodded slowly, "We'll meet back here at eight then? Sound alright?" He asked, knowing that they wanted as much time as possible here, this place was so amazing. It was spectacular.

"Sounds ggggg-reat!" They all said in unison, giving a great, slapping, high five.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: To The Princess Castle

"Look at that Cissy!" Shrieked Bella in sheer delight, as they came upon a stand selling various princess collectibles and costumes. "We must purchase some!" She added as she quickly sped over, looking and touching everything as if she had never seen such things before in her life. Snow-globes, figurines, costumes, hats, you name it, it was hanging on that stand. Or setting as the case may be. Bellatrix picked up a Sleeping Beauty figure and held it up to her sister's head. "Looks just like you! You need this, and get this Prince Charming one as well…" She added as she charmed the male figure's hair in growing just a _little_, to look a bit more like Lucius."

"Then you just _have_ to have this one!" Narcissa cried as she picked up a Jasmine figure, hexing it deathly pale and fixing the eyes a bit to look more like her sister. "Voila! And get this for Rodolphus.." She brandished an Eric figurine, doing the same thing to his hair.

"Oh hooray! They'll love them." Bella cooed as she brought them around and nearly fainted from shock as she came upon hats and tiaras. "Look! These will match our dresses!" And it was true, as she was in a pink sundress, and Narcissa was in purple. They both picked up opposite colour hats, and walked to the counter in order to pay for these things. The cashier looked at the dolls with a strange expression on her face and raised her eyebrows,

"I suppose I have to give you a discount…looks like they messed up on these dolls. Sorry about that." She wrapped each of the items up carefully, apart from the hats as the sisters had stopped her abruptly with the explanation that they were going to _wear_ them, _hello_, and that they needed them out of the bag. The cashier complied and handed them the bag with the obligatory smile, and the sisters went on, hats upon their heads and big grins on their faces.

They walked up the windy stairs, looking at each of the 'exhibits' with the stories and such, giggling at each. It seemed that most brought back such interesting memories.

"Remember that one time, when Lucius and I went to that Christmas ball at the Rosier's, and I lost that dreadfully expensive shoe? Only the one though, because when we were apparating away, I forgot to think about the left one?"

"Oh good heavens, remember when Rodolphus smuggled that flying carpet from the Ministry and took me flying over Italy? It was so lovely, if not a bit cold."

"Then there was that time when Lucius found that mermaid that had washed up on the shore of the Black Lake when we were in school…and she couldn't sing above the ground, it was all shrieky and high pitched and he kicked her back in."

They both sighed in unison, clutching their figurines to their hearts as they headed back down, their eyes glued to the Dumbo flying ride across the way. So transfixed were they, that they didn't even notice the extremely scarred old man with a twitching glass eye, or the tall African wizard stride in with tiaras on top of their heads. Which, when one was not fully intent upon doing something, was quite an interesting sight to see indeed. And most definitely not one you see every day.

"Tiaras Kingsley! Look at them!" Alastor grinned, picking up one before eyeing it carefully, making sure that in his glee he hadn't accidentally picked up poison, or a Death Eater tool. After feeling fully satisfied that it wasn't, he put it upon his head and paid the cashier, who looked at him and rolled her eyes. Silly poofters. Kingsely was enthralled as well, and quickly chose a tiara with a big purple jewel in the middle. What he also wouldn't admit was the fact that he had a collection of such crowns and things back home, a whole shelf devoted to them. His one embarrassing quirk, the one that if anyone knew, they would surely question his auror abilities, if nothing else.

"Oh wonderful!" He put it on and grinned happily, paying and following the older wizard up over the drawbridge and inside the castle. "Do you suppose we could make a castle like this our new headquarters? Grimmauld Place can get a little crowded you know…" He said hopefully, humming along to the music in the background as they strolled up the stairs and read each princess' story aloud, before 'awww'ing and sighing in unison. Then moving onto the next one. It was by far the most fantastic of days each had had in such a long while. The only question was going to be what to do after? They spent approximately three hours in the castle, snacking on princess shaped candies they purchased from the many various vendors scattered around the castle.

"What's next?" Alastor asked, checking in the Magic Mirror to make sure his tiara was on properly.

"Why, I would have to say….Teacups!" Kingsley replied with a bright smile, clapping his hands together with a smile.

And so, off they trotted in the direction of that next ride, their tiaras firmly placed upon their heads, making sure that they did _not_ lose their new purchases, as that would be just completely awful.

From above them, there was a scream of delight at the Dumbo Flying Ride, and Moody smiled.

"It's so nice to hear the children having fun isn't it Kingsley?" He asked, sighing happily, shaking his head with nostalgia.

"Yes. It really is." He replied with a wistful smile, "I miss those good old days…" He added, clapping his friend on the back, the two of them sharing a moment.

What neither of them knew was that the smile and the glee had come from none other than the two malicious Black sisters. The two women were having the time of their lives, constantly exclaiming such things as:

"This is better than brooms!" Or, "Can you imagine playing Quidditch in one of these?"

Unfortunately, the two men couldn't hear that, they were too busy in their moment, and once it was gone, they were already well on their way to the teacups. A location where one of them would be seeing all of those princess candies they had consumed earlier, and the other would be wishing he had brought a change of clothes.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten: It is a Small World After All

"I do love this song." Albus mused aloud as they began their descent into Small World – ville for the tenth time in a row. Minerva was getting a rapidly growing migraine, and she was beginning to wonder how many more times it would take before she Avada Kedavra-ed a few smiling, wooden children and screamed, "It is NOT a SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL." And laughed maniacally. She refrained only for Albus' sake, as he seemed to be having the time of his life, tapping his ghostly feet to the tune and occasionally even humming along with his eyes closed an a goofy smile upon his face. For him she would keep quiet. For now at least.

"Albus? Do you suppose we might be able to…say, move on after this round?" She questioned him gently, knowing that once they sailed near the French children he began to get a little bit touchy, thank goodness they were just at Japan. She looked at him hopefully, her eyebrows raised in a pleading manner as she folded her hands in her lap.

"Minerva dear, I was hoping to make it a nice round twenty times if you don't mind. I don't think anyone has been on this ride more than that, and I would like to break a record! On the way in next, you can purchase ear plugs if you don't like the music." He replied scathingly, apparently it wasn't the French children who irritated him so much.

McGonnagal sighed resignedly and leaned back in their little boat, looking up at the ceiling and then up at a little Eskimo (EENYOOEET) figure dancing robotically to the tune and mouthing, 'save me'. Nothing happened, not that she actually expected it to, but she was strangely disappointed.

"Lucius. We've been in here going on twenty five times, haven't you had enough?" Because I know I have, Severus though that last bit to himself with a sigh as he leaned against his hand in the little boat he was beginning to feel a fondness for. Which was a bad thing. He was even beginning to get over the little bout of seasickness he had had earlier. He didn't want to however, for that would mean that he would not have anything _truthful_ to complain about…not that he had issues about lying of course.

"No." Malfoy replied simply, not offering anything else except for the dopey grin on his face, and the action of bouncing up and down like an excited child who has conveniently forgotten to tell his mother he has to use the loo. This was making Severus the most nervous, for the boat was small, and they were sharing a seat.

"Oh." Snape sighed, glaring at his reflection in the water they were floating on. This was going to haunt his dreams forever. Severus Snape's version of Hell was It's a Small World (something he and the author have in common). "You know Lucius, I'm sure no one has been on this more than twenty five times…you've probably broken a record." He said in a placating tone, it didn't work, as Lucius glared at the other man and shook his head,

"No." He repeated, staring intently at the scenery in front of them. At least someone was enjoying this.

"Fine." Severus stated, "I hope you don't mind if I take a nap then." He hoped that this would get his 'friend' to realize just how bored and tired he was; if this didn't, nothing would.

"No."

Severus wondered if perhaps Lucius _was_ a broken record.

"Did you hear that Minerva? Someone's been on this ride twenty five time!" Dumbledore shrieked, as if this was the end of the world, "We have to beat that!" He gripped the sides of the boat until his fingers were whiter than they had been previously.

Minerva just stared at him, silent, her heart racing as she tried her hardest to keep from mutilating and destroying the carefully handcarved children dancing around the fake landscape.

It was hard.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven: Voldemort Accused

"Did you hear that screaming?" The frightened voice of Peter hissed to the taller, green-looking male strolling beside him. There _was_ screaming, however it was from laughter, and the fear of falling into the water that was causing it, not the torture of criminals that the rat-man was envisioning in his small mind.

"Why, yes I do…" The Dark Lord craned his neck in the direction of the high pitched sound, closing his eyes and smiling as if he had just stroked a rusty spoon. His pointed teeth showed through his cracked lips, and Peter had the sudden urge to whip out his Chapstick. That and some heavy duty Gold Bond lotion, considering the fact that the makeup they had put on their leader's face was brushing off. Obviously Voldemort hadn't had a facial in quite a while. They would have to fix that now wouldn't they! The closer they got, the more good ol' Voldy seemed to be walking on air. The smile broadened to the point of looking like some sort of demonic Disney character, which frightened quite a few children and caused their parents to stare rather rudely. He didn't notice however, he was in the midst of euphoria as he listened so very intently.

They got in line, which moved extremely slowly (to the point where they wished they had spent a few dollars to get a FastPass), the screams only got louder, and Voldemort was getting shivers up and down his spine. He was getting impatient, as was evident from the way he was drumming his fingers against the railing. So close! Yet oh so far away. His eagerness was only heightened as he began to also hear the singing from the inside of the mountain, and Peter had to literally hold him down despite the desperate swatting to keep him from running inside.

"You have to wait your turn My Lord…" This got some odd looks from those wondering just what was going on between these two, obviously the relationship was a little weird if the little mousy one was calling him 'my lord'…

In the meantime, Sirius and Arthur were waiting a little closer to the entrance, grins on their faces as they practically bounced their way around the next loop.

"I can't believe we're here! Splash Mountain!" Sirius exclaimed as he clasped his ghostly hands together, shaking the spectral beard which had 'grown' since his departure from the earthly realm. Those in line didn't seem to take notice of the semi-transparent man standing beside them, which was probably a good thing; although they probably wouldn't have even noticed, being so hyped up on sugar and adrenaline.

Arthur couldn't get enough of the mechanics. It was incredible. He could glimpse some moving robotto things? Was that what they were called? He couldn't remember, nor did he really care because no one there was going to judge him on his pronunciation!

They would giggle quietly to themselves until he was out of earshot and then make snide remarks about his idiocy. Poor Arthur.

The line soon shortened until the Dark Lord and his peon were going to be next up in the little canoes. Voldemort was so excited he could barely contain himself as he shivered and clutched the railing until his knuckles were a greenish white.

"We're next.." He whispered, his voice shaky as he chewed on his lower lip. Peter nodded slowly, rubbing his hands together before tapping silver fingers on the raling to some silent tune playing in his head. No one but him knew what it was; even Voldy who was known for his memory of song tunes (especially those from the 1940's) couldn't figure it out, but he found his feet moving along to the rhythm. Finally they were let on the ride, buckled into their little canoe and sent on their way through the frightening little world of robotic, furry animals.

"Yesss! Our turn!" Sirius did an air punch and quickly sat in the canoe, buckling in even though there was no point. Arthur quickly followed suit and looked around like a child in a candy shop. His eyes were open so wide that Sirius was afraid they might pop out!

"Look at these things…" He whispered, as if the animatronic things might hop away if he was too loud. Then they began to sing, and the ghostly Black was afraid that perhaps the man who was seated behind him (a little too intimately for his liking), would wet himself. Oh dear.

The ride went too quickly for the Weasley's liking, and soon they were inching up, up, up that steep path towards the deep decline into the water. The vultures got to him, and Sirius thought it a bit close to home and tried to loosen his collar. That didn't work, so he closed his eyes instead. This proved to be a good plan because within seconds they had plunged over the edge and both were screaming like little first year girls. They opened their eyes, catching their breath, just in time to sea the Dark Lord exit his canoe.

"Man, that is the _ugliest_ guy I've ever seen in my life…" Sirius commented whilst making an atrocious face. Arthur didn't hear, nor notice his friend as his face was white as a sheet and his hands were still clinging to the edges of the canoe.

"That.Was.Awesome!"

"Err…My Lord…" Peter began quietly, not wanting to get in trouble with his master as he gazed at the horrible wet spot on Voldy's cloak.

"What is it?" Snapped the other man, "Can't you see I just got a natural high from the adrenaline rush?" He asked irritably, crossing his arms and snorting.

"Your cloak…."

"What about it?"

"Well, you…on the ride…were you scared?" The rat-like man struggled for the right words to say in the situation.

Slowly Voldemort looked down at the offending garment and gasped. In the descent down, he had been splashed by the waterfall in a most awful place.

"I most certainly was not!" He retorted to the question, "And I did _not_, if that's what you were thinking. It was from the splashing on the way down." He said this calmly, as if it had no effects on his psyche whatsoever. He strode on to the next ride, head held high as his servant followed him meekly.

He tried not to notice the little children giggling and pointing as they passed.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: Yo ho, yo ho..a pirates life for me

It looked like New Orlean's, and Nymphadora was having a complete blast looking throughout the souvenier shops, a grin plastered to her heart-shaped face as she counted up how much left she had to spend upon the trinkets that would inevitably find their way into the back of her closet and end up never seen again. Remus obviously knew what was going on in her head, because he was eyeing her carefully, trying to figure out how he could stop her from going on a complete spending spree.

"Can we go to the ride now?" He questioned hopefully, poking her shoulder as he peered past her at an atrocious bust of an infamous pirate sneering back at them.

"Don't you think he would look great on the coffee table?" Tonks suggested as she tapped the glass with long, violent violet fingernails. Remus was actually thinking how good it would look in the dumpster behind Grimmauld Place, but after he heard her speak he shut his mouth.

"Oh….yeah, he might…"

"Well, maybe he'll be here when we get out of the ride." Nymphadora replied hopefully, sighing wistfully as she stared at the sculpture with wide eyes. Remus had to practically drag her away from the window, cursing the image of Captain Jack Sparrow under his breath as he escorted her towards the building that contained the ride he was so very anxious to board.

They waited in line for what seemed like hours, this time it was Remus' turn to turn wistful as he heard the ecstatic cries of the children waiting to get on the little boats in the water; he began to miss Hogwarts and teaching quite a bit now. Another half an hour went by, and finally they were able to begin their ride.

"Do you suppose this will be scary?" Tonks asked as they neared the laughing skull, her hand groping in the dark to find his and hold it in a vice-like grip. He was almost sure that his hand would have permanent indentations.

"I certainly hope not." He answered, his attention more towards the appendage being crushed. They reached the beginning, and down the little boat went over the first dip in the path. Nymphadora screamed and the little children in the boat ahead of them turned and laughed at her. So much for the 'Constant Vigilance' mantra. Remus on the other hand was enjoying this ride quite a bit! Especially where they were all singing, and the animatronic people were dancing (Nymphadora did cover his eyes when they go to the bit with the women of ill repute). He even found himself singing along after a while, getting the chorus down pat. This, however, was much to the chagrin of the younger children behind and in front of their little boat.

Soon, the ride was over, and they were passing the lone skeleton on the sand (Tonks was quite fond of the little crab). She also found herself quite entranced by the paintings on the wall, at once thinking about the statue back in that shop. Oh how she wanted it! So it was now Dora's turn to drag Remus back to the store, this time pulling him _inside_ the store. There, waiting for them on the table, was the statue of the Captain. Remus found it quite atrocious actually, a silly beard, dreadlocks, and he was wearing _eyeliner_. He didn't know how Sirius would react to this sitting on the coffee table in his cousin's flat. Then again, the two had been spending so much time at Grimmauld that perhaps it would be on that table? Remus sighed, knowing Sirius, he would find it absolutely hilarious and order a pair. He couldn't object, however, when he saw her face light up as she took it to the cashier's counter, he merely resigned and looked out the window. Was that? No…couldn't be. Remus thought he had seen a former student and a cousin of of Sirius' outside walking towards the ride that they had just left. He decided not to bother Tonks with this silly worry, and merely slid his arm around her waist as she walked triumphantly out of the store, bag in hand, continually peeking inside to make sure that her prize was still safely contained.

"This looks like it might be a little frightening." Rodolphus commented as he glanced about the line warily, seeing the murals on the wall and hearing the screams and the music. "Do you suppose we ought to go on something a little bit more…calm perhaps?" He suggested, looking towards Draco, who was walking alongside him at a casual pace.

"Oh come on uncle, as if there's anything scary about _pirates_." Draco retorted scathingly, pulling the other man into the line beside him. "Hey…" He whispered, looking out the line, seeing two very familiar looking people stroll by. "Is that…?" He turned to his uncle who was also peering out.

"No…no I don't think that it is." Rodolphus replied lazily, having just overcome his fear of pirates. They soon came to the point in the line where they could actually board the little boat, and did so quite eagerly (though less so in Rodolphus' case). Draco was scoffing towards the children murmuring about how frightening the ride could be. Ha! He wasn't afraid of anything! He was going to be a Death Eater for heaven's sake. Rodolphus was beginning to question his choice once more as he heard the music beginning. He didn't at all like the way that they were singing, or the words for that matter. 'A pirate's life for me'? He didn't think so, he preferred the Death Eater's life actually. Well, sometimes, that stint in Azkaban did nothing to advertise the good points.

The laughing, talking skull did it for poor Roddy, and his fingers were now grasping the front of the boat so tightly his knuckles had turned a ghostly white colour. Draco was still sneering, even when they went through the little town scene, seeing the pirates and others. How stupid it all was.

"You call this an entertaining ride?" He asked in a disdainful tone, glancing around. He could not wait to get off.

Then, as if to get back at the stupid, young git, the ride sped up just a little bit, going over a dip rather fast and nearly making poor Roddy be sick, but it made Draco go pale. Perhaps the ride was frightening after all? The skeleton at the end did it, and the younger Malfoy leapt into his uncle's lap. All of the children he had made fun were now turning the tables against _him_. They burst into laughter, pointing and giggling, generally just making Draco feel stupid.

Which was an incredibly humiliating thing, which almost never happened. Until now.

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Eeeee, sorry about the wait, had mid-terms and have a major essay due in my world literature class next week:o


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Why is it that when you want to go on a ride so badly, the lines seem to take three times as long? It was one of those unsolveable mysteries of life. Or it was to Rabastan and Fenrir, especially the latter who had had a little too much orange juice with his breakfast that morning. What a sight, seeing the old werewolf all but jumping up and down, impatiently looking for a sign for a toilet. However, they were now down in the cavernous area, and everytime his yellow eyes glanced wildly around, Rabastan would glare as if to say 'we've been here _this_ long, if you make us miss our chance, I will _kill_ you.' So Fenrir decided that he could probably wait until the end of the ride.

"Oh look, we're almost there." Rabastan stated, feigning the cheerfulness he could see on the faces of all those happy muggles. They were all having such a good time, that they were forgetting to hex them! Oh well. They would more than likely remember when they were on the plane home. "I wonder if there will be any…._waterfalls_." He added maliciously, watching the other man squirm.

"Shuttit you." Greyback growled under his breath, eyes narrowing as they moved closer in line, seeing the little carts they were going to ride in. "Do you suppose that those are very safe?" He questioned quietly, a little on the nervous side now. If they were to break down in the middle, where and _when_ would he be able to go to the bathroom!

"I'm sure they're fine." The other man responded, as one of the ride attendants let them in one. The two men sat down, made sure that they were in safely, and that there would be absolutely no possible chance of being thrown out into oblivion and dying (or wetting themselves in Fenrir's case). Slowly, slowly slowly it began to move. Unfortunately, the movements were quite jerky, and not only did that do a job on Fenrir's bladder, but it was also making Rabastan's stomach quite uncomfortable. On and on they went.

"This looks wicked.." Ron whispered under his breath towards his friend, who was shifting from foot to foot in line whilst watching John Rhys Davies on the television screen. Harry merely nodded and put his hand to his scar, wincing visibly. "You alright Harry?" Ron asked worriedly, nearly doing a James Bond move as he whipped around to make sure his friend wasn't about to die.

"Yeah…yeah I think I'm alright." Harry replied with a grin, "Migraine I think." Silly boy, he had no idea that the cause of the scar and its pain was within a ten mile radius! He ran his hands through his messy hair and followed down the line.

"Hurray!" Ron exclaimed as they neared the little carts. "I heard that this ride was bloody brilliant." He commented as they climbed into one of them with ease. Making sure they were secure, and exchanging bright smiles, the cart descended into the cavern. Harry and Ron had been through quite a few things, you would have thought that facing Voldemort in the middle of a graveyard, in the Ministry of Magic, and watching your old potion's professor murder your beloved headmaster would sort of numb your nerves towards cheap fright. Not by a long-shot.

Everytime something leapt out at them, or they went past something that had even the smallest bit to do with skeletons, even if they were obviously made out of plastic, or realistic materials, the two boys would let out blood curdling screams, and by the end of the ride were hugging each other so tightly they thought they might suffocate. Of course, at the end of the ride, when the little cart rolled into the crowded area, the two of them separated immediately, jumping to their respective sides of the cart. Stepping out, they both realized they were shaking like dried leaves, and began to laugh nervously, taking off in the direction of the meeting place.

"Hey…is that?" Ron asked, watching an incredibly ugly, rather…rugged man running towards the bathrooms, with a more refined man walking casually behind him.

"Fenrir?" Harry raised an eyebrow and then laughed, shaking his head. "No, I don't think so. Greyback is nowhere _near _as ugly as that guy was."

Ron agreed and they both started to laugh, there would be no need to tell anyone. Before leaving to meet the rest of the group, they quickly went into the gift shop, both buying fedoras and whips. Oh yeah, they would definitely set a new trend back in Diagon Alley.

--------------------------------

Short, sorry, that's why there's two!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen: Regrouping

"You don't suppose we ought to tell anyone about what we saw do you?" Nymphadora asked as they walked back towards the Tarzan Tree. She was still clutching the Captain Jack Sparrow statue as if her life depended on it. Little did Remus know she had also purchased him a gift, which was at the very bottom of the bag. A wig and hat, just like the pirate. Afraid of him seeing it with the purchase, she had very wisely charmed it to shrink. Oh how he was going to just _love_ that.

"Well, I thought we clarified that it really wasn't Draco at all…" Remus replied with a raised eyebrow, looking down at her as she chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. Her grip tightened on his hand and she nodded slightly.

"Oh yeah. I forgot." She shrugged and grinned as they reached the base of the gigantic faux foliage, she leaning against whatever part she could whilst Remus stood up straight, looking at all of the gift shops surrounding the area. "Oh look! It's Minerva and Dumbledore!" She began to wave frantically, but stopped as soon as she saw the look on the headmistress' face, and the way the ghostly man was 'trudging' along behind her. Obviously something had happened, and judging by the behavior of those two, it was something that was not good.

"Hello Minerva, Albus…how was it?" Remus asked, and, being so obviously male, he was completely oblivious to the tension between the older couple. Nymphadora elbowed him in the side, but he didn't notice at all, merely kept on smiling happily as he looked from Tonks to Minerva, and then severely sobered his grin as he actually felt the friction in the air, now between everyone.

"Hello." Minerva replied, tone quite abrupt and curt, probably due to the fact that 'It's a Small World' was swirling around through her mind, making her dizzy and feel the need to vomit. Not to mention the fact that whenever she closed her eyes she was staring into the faces of a dozen wooden children. She clutched at her stomach and made a face, which caused Dumbledore to wince.

"How was the ride?" Albus asked, a hopeful glint in his eye as he tried to change the topic of conversation over to the other two rather than them, "Was it—" He was going to say, 'as good as ours?' but figured that that probably wouldn't go over very well, so he refrained (and judging by the looks that he was receiving from Minerva, he was probably choosing a very safe route indeed).

It was then that the rest of the group started coming back. Ron and Harry, Sirius and Arthur, Kingsley and Alastor; each talking animatedly amongst their group as they all met back up at the tree. They must have looked quite a sight; Ron and Harry in their Fedora's, Minerva looking like she was going to retch, and Nymphadora clutching at her bag as if someone was going to grab it and take all of her newest treasures (more importantly, the hat and wig for Remus).

"I'm starved!" Sirius proclaimed, arms wide as if going to embrace all of them at once. They weren't paying attention, and kept chattering wildly amongst themselves. "I _said_ I'm hungry!" He repeated, far louder and with his hands on his hips. This got their attention and they all looked up at him with expectant smiles. "Well I didn't say I knew _where_ I wanted to go!"

Nymphadora sighed quietly, shaking her head. "Well, we could go to one of the restaurants here?" She suggested, even though they were wildly overpriced. She looked down at the map in front of her and sighed dramatically before Moody looked over her shoulder (mentally noting that she hadn't noticed him sneaking up behind her) and exclaimed,

"The Enchanted Cottage!"

Which made everyone exchange weird looks before shrugging and then nodding in agreement. It sounded good enough. With that, they linked arms and began to make their way across the theme park. They took big steps, and tried to match them, taking out their cameras an snapping shots of everything that they could in order to scrapbook it at a later Order Meeting. Fun!

"Let's sing!" Albus suggested as they strolled merrily along; it certainly seemed as if they ought to do something to up the 'tacky, early American musical' ness of it all. He looked to the others for their approval, watching Minerva eyeing him closely.

"As long as it's _not_ 'Small World.'" She hissed underneath her breath as they trod to the restaurant, smiles on their faces.

"What about…?" Arthur looked at everyone and they grinned a knowing grin, squeezing each other's arms before belting out:

"Oh you may not think I'm pretty…but don't judge by what you see…for I will eat myself if you should find a smarter hat than me…" They may have thought that they sounded quite fantastic as they strolled, but the rest of the park was thinking the opposite. Especially with Sirius howling away (well, actually he was doing more of a _barklike_ tone, Remus was the one howling, which was embarrassing Nymphadora no end), Arthur singing tonelessly, and Minerva glowering, mumbling out the words as she kept confusing them with 'Small World'. The lyrics were a bit on the odd side as well of course. Who had ever heard of a song from a _hat's_ point of view before? Let alone one that would _eat _itself. That just seemed a rather silly notion, and they wondered just what these people had been smoking, or where exactly they hailed from.

After a very long trek indeed, they made it to the Enchanted cottage, everyone with a wide smile upon their happy faces (everyone but those innocent bystanders forced to listen to their atrocious voices). Getting a few of the picnic tables out front, they went in and ordered what seemed to be German cuisine. They sat down in little groups, eating their food cheerily as they talked about their experiences on the rides they went on, Nymphadora showing everyone her statue proudly. Sirius adored it, and exclaimed that he was going to order a matching pair as bookends for his living room. Remus rolled his eyes and merely sighed, knowing he would never win if it was he against his lover and her cousin. He just chewed silently, nodding at all the right places and smiling as if he agreed wholeheartedly. Which he adamantly did not, any man that wears fifteen layers of kohl and dreadlocks had issues; little did he know that Nymphadora seemed to have a _thing_ for pirates, and that if he wanted to stay alive, he would accept the gifts she had purchased with a smile.

"Too bad we can't stay longer." Ron sighed, shaking his head with a wistful expression, Harry too was beginning to miss this place already, the bright lights, the sounds, the smells (even if it _was_ a sweaty man who had stood behind them in line at the Indiana Jones ride), it was all so incredible; like nothing they had ever experienced before. He wouldn't like to live there persay, but it was an awfully nice place to visit. Perhaps they would have to take some vacations more often, maybe they would even find some places more exotic? More interesting? Harry smirked, NOT POSSIBLE.

All of those sitting at the benches thought for sure that they had found a Heaven on earth.

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Two chapters out! yey for me!


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